Relentless Suffering 😖

I am going to go ahead and apologize now to make you all aware that this will be my only post today due to being in excruciating pain.

From the time I woke up this morning up until now, I have been in agonizing pain, despite every effort of relieving the pain. My home health nurse made a visit today and I informed her that my chronic back pain is getting worse and everything I have tried to alleviate the pain, has failed.

My home health nurse was very understanding, and compassionate, as well as extremely supportive. When a person such as myself suffers with agonizing pain every second of every day, it tends to take a toll on the mind and affects mental health. Not only that but I have been feeling confined strictly to my home and the only socialization I get, is here on WordPress. So it can feel quite lonely and isolating.

So the visit with my home health nurse was quite refreshing, I felt heard and seen. As the visit went on, I felt as if, finally someone gets it, someone knows my suffering. Those of you who suffer in constant and agonizing pain every day, I’m sure can relate to my situation. You want more than anything to live a life without being in pain, you want to be heard and seen, as well as have someone show empathy and compassion.

Hopefully, after my home health nurse passes her notes onto my PCP as well as my insurance, I’m hoping and praying my PCP and insurance will find a solution that’s right for me. All I want is to live again, to live a life pain free or at least in less pain to where I can physically function and walk, not having to worry about sitting down every few minutes. I want to be able to go grocery shopping without being in pain, play with my granddaughter, clean my house, do laundry. You know, normal everyday things.

I want to feel useful, not useless. I want and need to feel like I am doing something to contribute for my family. I just want to feel normal again. As it stands now, I feel completely useless, although my husband tells me I’m not. I use to be a happy and energetic person who loved life, but this chronic pain leaves me absolutely miserable and I feel like all I am is a cripple who doesn’t have a life and can barely walk.

For those of you who suffer from any type of chronic pain and disease, please remember you are not alone. There is someone out there who is also suffering. If you feel hesitant to reach out for support and need someone to talk to, please don’t hold back. Everyone suffers in one way or another, you don’t have to face it alone. You deserve to feel heard and seen. You matter, your pain matters, you are loved, you are worthy!